Monday, July 28, 2008

The First Annual American Beer Conference

Budweiser: Alright, it seems that most of us are here, so lets get started. I'm glad all of you could make it out tonight to this American Beer Conference, and I think that by sharing ideas and strategies with each other can benefit all of our respective businesses. Our first order of business is to discuss sales patterns and demographic trends within...

Icehouse: (bursts through the door and interrupts, clearly drunk) Heeeeeeey bitches! What's goin' on?

Budweiser: Icehouse, please just sit down, I wish you would try harder to be on time to these kinds of things.

Icehouse: What are you talkin' about, Bud man? I was right on time for your barbeque last week!

Keystone Light: Budweiser! You had a barbeque last week and didn't invite me?

Miller Lite: That's because nobody likes you, Keystone.

MGD: Lite! I let you tag along to this thing, so you better mind your manners!

Miller Lite: Sorry, dad.

Keystone Light: Oh look, Lite is sucking up to his dad again, what a surprise!

Miller Lite: Shut your mouth, rat piss!

Keystone Light: I think someone's a little upset that they will never be as full-bodied or tasteful as their father!

Miller Lite: At least my father's still around!

Budweiser: GENTLEMEN! Please, stop fighting. We are all here to work together, not argue amongst ourselves. Now onto the...what's that noise?

MGD: I don't know, but brrrrrrr, it just got really cold in here.

(The sound of a train whistle gets louder and louder. Suddenly the Coors Silver Bullet train blasts through the wall of the convention center and Coors hops off.)

Coors: Howdy! How y'all doin' tonight?

Budweiser: COORS! For the last time, you cannot ride that train to the exact spot you want to go all the time! The train station is only 3 blocks away for God's sake!

Coors: Sorry about that Bud, I sensed that some people in here were hot and parched, so I thought it'd be best to ride the bullet on through.

Budweiser: Well if we were outdoors it'd be one thing, but we are renting space from a hotel, and I'm going to be responsible for what looks to be a couple thousand dollars worth of damages!

Icehouse: (under his breath) I'm sure that'll really hurt, Mr. 16 billion dollars in sales.
Coors: That's my bad Bud; I'll help you out with those expenses.

Keystone Light: Ha! What are you gonna do, rent out the spare bedroom in your trailer?
Coors: Oh for cryin' out loud, who invited Keystone?

Miller Lite: I bet he was browsing events on Facebook and invited himself!

Keystone Light: Shut your tab, Lite! Hey Coors, why don't you go watch some NASCAR, white trash!

Budweiser: God you're an asshole Keystone.

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