Wednesday, July 23, 2008

If ER Was a Sitcom

Since the popular television series "ER" is going into its 15th season, odds are the writers are running out of dramatic material to put on the show. To keep the audience interested for one more season, they may need to change their routine and give the drama a comedic twist.

(Three doctors and a nurse wheel in a patient and put him on the operating table.)

Nurse Samantha Taggart: Doctor, we need to act fast! The patient is Timothy Benson, and he apparently was shot in the head with a nailgun by a construction worker, who claims Benson was trying to attack him with a shovel while naked on several occasions. The thing is, he survived, but the nail is still in his head!

Dr. Tony Gates: Sounds like he may have a few screws loose in there as well! (laughtrack)

Dr. Abby Lockhart: (looking at a monitor) It appears the nail pierced the right hemisphere of his brain and entered the brain stem. The patient has lost all motor function in the left side of his body.

Dr. Archie Morris: That's odd, he doesn't look all right to me! (laughtrack)

(The patient wakes up.)

Timothy Benson: Where am I? What's going on?

Taggart: This is incredible! Dr. Gates, the patient is conscious!

Gates: Young man, you are in a hospital. It looks like we are going to have to perform a partial brain transplant if you are to live. Based on the report, though, we may want to just replace the whole thing! (laughtrack)

Benson: I don't want to live! Just let me die!

Morris: We cannot do that, we have a duty to preserve human life, no matter how much the world would be better off without you. (laughtrack) Nurse, prepare the transplant and the blood transfusion.

Taggart: What's his blood type?

Morris: (nudging Gates in the side) Something tells me it's B-negative! (laughtrack)Taggart: Transfusion ready! Abby, apply the anesthetic!

Lockhart: Alright Timothy, just breathe in, pretend you are huffing some of that stuff you did earlier. (laughtrack)

Benson: I don't wan...I don't...I...

Gates: Jeez, he put up less of a fight against being knocked out than my ex-wife! (The cast shares a laugh, also laughtrack.)

Taggart: Doctor, everything is prepared for the surgery. Make the incision when you are ready, but remember, it must be very precise.

Morris: Ah, I've done this procedure a million times; I guess you could call it a no-brainer! (laughtrack)

Lockhart: The transplant is ready, Dr. Gates.

Gates: Alright everyone, stand back. (He successfully performs the surgery.)

Taggart: Excellent work Dr. Gates! I wish I had a pair of fingers like that around the house! (Camera zooms in on her looking at a picture of her husband on the desk and sighing. Laughtrack)

(The patient wakes up.)

Benson: Wow, I feel great! I guess I could give life another go!

Gates: That's the right attitude. Looks like we really...changed your mind! (laughtrack)

Benson: (looking at the camera and shrugging) I guess laughter really is the best medicine!(The camera fades out as the cast has a good laugh.)

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