Thursday, November 6, 2008

A Guide To Whether Or Not You Should Go To Class

It's Friday morning at 8:45, and you have to make a game-time decision whether or not to roll out of bed and lurch into your 9:00am class or stay in the warmth of your bed for a few more hours. Luckily, you now have this handy guide to help you decide if the benefits of going to class outweigh the costs. Simply add up the points attributed and find your answer!

Section 1: You have a test/quiz in class today and:

a) You have studied for it: 17 points
b) You glanced over the material briefly: 15 points
c) Oh f***! *Put on bullshitting hat*: 11 points
d) Oh wait! That test is next week! Yes!: -2 points

Section 2: You have a paper due and:

a) You spent a lot of time on it and got it done: 17 points
b) If you get up now, you can finish it up and be just a little late for class: 15 points
c) Oh f***! *Put on excuse-generating sweater*: 11 points
d) Meh, I'll do it tonight, the late penalty is only half of a letter grade: -2 points

Section 3: The professor takes attendance that counts for part of your grade and:

a) You have never skipped this class before: -2 points
b) You have skipped class once or twice: 3 points
c) You have skipped class 3 or more times: 5 points
d) The professor does not take attendance: -4 points

Section 4: The temperature in your room:

a) Could comfortably harbor a polar bear: -6 points
b) Is definitely less than 65 degrees, but not too cold: -2 points
c) Doesn't seem terrible: 4 points
d) Reminds you of the joy of living with a heater, you lucky bastard: 6 points

Section 5: There is a girl in your bed that you just met last night that you vaguely remember fooling around with, and:

a) She is a 4 or below: 5 points
b) She is a 5 or above: 2 points
c) You were hammered last night, and your judgement cannot be trusted: 2 points onto a) or b)
d) There is no one but you in your bed: -3 points

Section 6: You are feeling:

a) At least somewhat rested: 5 points
b) Tired/hungover: -3 points
c) Really f***ing tired/ hung over: -5 points
d) Still drunk and/or unsure where you are: -7 points

Section 7: In this class you:

a) Take notes that you will need later on: 6 points
b) Drift in and out of class, switching back and forth between taking notes and doodling: 4 points
c) Usually fall asleep for the majority of class: -4 points
d) ...What class do I have on Thursday again?: -6 points

Got your score? Use this chart to determine your course of action:

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