Monday, November 12, 2007

Skits You Can Expect From Dane Cook Within the Year

I gotta tell you people out there about something i just need to, you know, just put out there so like BAGOW! its out there so that you all know what im thinkin about (laughs). I love head. (wild cheers from audience) Ha! Yeah the guys out there know what I'm talking about! Head is just so goddamn good its like urrrrrr boing boing boing gasplash and its all over but its just the best thing ever (laughs). The only problem with head is that you ladies (glares fake angrily at the crowd, gets laughs) are under the impression that they are supposed to last 10 minutes...TOPS. I came up with a theory the other day that i think explains why this is, and how we can fix this little guys wanna hear it? (cheering and clapping erupt) Alright then guys come with me on this adventure, this journey, this QUEST (laughs) for the extended blow job. So my theory is that the terminology of the act, AKA blow job (a few laughs) is misleading to women. I mean you think about it, you break it down like noo noo noo noo noo noo (laughs) .......... thats the sound of something being broken down. (uncontrollable laughter) So anyway you break it down and you got blow on one side, right, and you got job on the other. First of all, where the fuck did blow come from? I don't want a fucking raspberry on my dick (laughs) pbbsbsbbtbtbbt hahahahha stop it that tickles. (clapping and cheering from audience). And in the second part you have job. A job is something you do for I dunno fuckin 4 or 5 years or somethin, which i translate to 4 to 5 minutes of blow job time. (gets laughs just because of the way he says fuckin) I say fuck blow jobs man, lets get something better going for us bros in here (guys cheer). Alright so check this out i have created the new best thing EVER: The Suck Career! (crowd is on their feet laughing and cheering). Alright so lets take a look at what we have here now: we got suck, alright thats halfway there pretty self-explanatory (laughs) and then we got the career. That makes it clear to you LADIES (laughs) that your not employed for a few minutes at Suck-E-Cheese but that you are in that shit for the long haul. (Wild cheers and applause from audience as the crowd cannot contain their laughter). He he he! BAGOW! (more laughs) ....... My dicks gonna fuckin have you on tenure hahaHA! (laughs as the joke ends)

to be continued...

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