Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Seniors Positive They Never Looked as Young as Freshmen

Brian Francese with an incoming freshman at orientation

As a new class of incoming students begins their adjustment to life at BC and another begins their final chapter of their experience in college, one thing has quickly become apparent. In a recent poll taken of 500 seniors, 450 believe they never looked as young as the current class of preposterously childlike freshman class. “I mean come on, some of those kids look like they could still be in 8th grade,” said Brian Francese, a senior living in the mods this year. “At first I thought BC started some genius recruiting program and was getting some child prodigies to attend classes here, but I’ve seen probably 100 kids that I could probably get lunch money from already.”

Brian, among other seniors, has already been facing various difficulties in interacting with the class of 2013. Brian volunteered to be an orientation leader this past summer and was shocked by his experience. “So I show up to where my group is supposed to meet, and I swear I thought I had found some children that had been abandoned by a disgruntled foster mother or something,” said Brian. “At first I thought they were trying to trick me into adopting them, but they looked a little too well-fed for orphans, so I soon discovered it was actually my orientation group.” Other seniors have said they have on occasion asked freshmen standing alone questions such as where their mommies are or if they got separated from their buddy on a field trip, leading to embarrassment for all parties involved.

Some experts believe that the seniors have simply been unaware of their own aging, accelerated by excessive drinking and smoking habits exhibited by an overwhelming majority of students. Most seniors polled admitted that they couldn’t remember much about the first couple months of freshman year, a testament to how much time has gone by since they entered college and how much abuse their bodies have endured in the past three years. However, most of the seniors still refuse to believe that they ever looked as young as the freshman class. “I swear that I haven’t looked as young as some of these freshmen since I was in grade school,” said Francese. “I look like I could be the father of some these kids.”

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