Saturday, December 22, 2007

Construction on Gasson Hall Not Enough, Say University Officials

With construction on Gasson Hall due to end sometime during the fall semester of next year, University officials had to scramble in order to make sure new projects would be under way by the time of its completion. Finally able to release a 10-year Master Plan for the future of BC, the officials could breathe a sigh of relief as construction was now guaranteed for the next several years. “Boston College just wouldn’t be the same without a construction site,” said BC President William Leahy, S.J. “It is part of our identity here in Chestnut Hill.”

The Master Plan calls for 754 billion dollars to be allocated the construction of new facilities and academic buildings on the current campus and the newly purchased Brighton Campus, allowing for much improvement and installation of new facilities. Still, Leahy says that they were hard pressed to dedicate more money to the project. “In today’s world, there’s only so much you can do with 754 billion dollars. It’s a shame we weren’t able to allot the funds necessary to squeeze in just one more building on the new campus.”

The best estimates of when this large construction program will be fully completed have the project finishing sometime between 2080 and 2100. Leahy says he plans to garner support for finishing the project as soon as possible by using the catchy motto “Construction-Free in ’83!” When asked about the project and the catchphrase, BC students seemed rather indifferent to both. “The project isn’t going to be finished in my lifetime, let alone my time here at BC, so why should I give a $#!%? And that catchphrase sounds like something my 5 year old sister would come up with,” replied notoriously pessimistic senior Michael Denison. But even the most enthusiastic lovers of Boston College didn’t seem to care much about the new construction plan either. “I mean I realize that universities have to grow and expand, but this plan seems a little overaggressive. Can’t Leahy give the construction a break for a few years?”

In contrast, University officials are elated with the plan. “When we don’t have any more money to decide how to spend, we really don’t have much to do around here,” said President Leahy as he threw a paper airplane into group of financial officers playing Minesweeper. “Since this new project will take almost a century to complete, it is safe to say that most of us have finished our real work here at Boston College.”

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