Sunday, February 15, 2009

Brighton Residents Unite Against Off-Campus Noise

     With the arrival of Thursday evening, many Brighton residents prepare quietly for the inevitable onset of the now three to four day period of noise and gross overdrinking that takes place in their neighborhood. With a large portion of BC juniors living in houses off-campus, residents on streets such as South, Radnor, and Kirkwood are virtually guaranteed sleepless nights on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, as students stumble from house to house, presumably searching for new sources of alcohol and members of the opposite sex. "The problem is really getting out of hand," voiced Sally Thompson, who lives on Radnor Rd. between two houses occupied by eight junior boys each. "We complain to the school time and time again, but it seems like they aren't doing anything about the noise issue created by their off-campus students."
     Frustrated Brighton residents are now banding together and taking action against the rowdy off-campus students. A small group of neighbors, led by Thompson, formed B.L.A.N.D., the Brighton League of Angry Neighbor Deliberators. The group held its first meeting at Thompson's house last Wednesday evening to discuss how to tackle their frustrating but equally hilarious off-campus problems, which in some instances reportedly included mailbox defecating, which is a drunk sport that is evidently enjoying significant popularity growth. "We had 40 people from the neighborhood show up full of ideas, so it definitely was a successful night," said Thompson, regarding the meeting. "There were a few idea that went a bit too far, but based on some of the things these people have been subjected too, I think some radical revenge plans were expected."
     Some students have voiced their concerns over the new alliance, citing examples of how groups of angry adults have caused serious problems in the past, such as the infamous "Psychedelic Riot of '74", where Brighton residents physically attacked students they claim were taking psychedelic drugs and causing disturbances. The charges were dropped, mainly because students swore that it was grizzly bears, not neighbors, that caused their injuries. One of Thompson's neighbors, John Felsing, said he knew about the meeting, and could see the neighbors talking in the living room while it was in session. "I don't know exactly what they were talking about in there, but it wasn't good," said Felsing. "A lot of them were getting really worked up over their plans. At one point, when I could tell the discussion was getting heated, one of the men was describing his plan by slowly twisting a corkscrew into a tomato, and then screaming what I can only imagine to be sexually degrading comments at it. What exactly does B.L.A.N.D. plan to do?!
     There have not been too many details released on the group's plans, but Thompson assured us they would "be very good," while rubbing her hands together in an uncomfortably calculating manner. The group plans to meet again soon, as their first discussion was broken up early because of a neighbor's noise complaint.